I was feeling drowsy as I leaned back in the recliner watching CNN news as a serious-looking correspondent announced that President Trump has renewed his drive for the United States to take over the island of Greenland.
The newscast was going on and on about the issue as I slipped into a slumber, right there in the recliner with the TV blaring about Trump, Greenland and Denmark…zzz…zzz.
As I dozed, I had an unusual dream (they’re all unusual). I dreamt that, along with wanting Greenland, Trump was seeking to take over Isle Royale in Lake Superior, although it is already part of America.
“Isle Royale is too close to Canada to avoid invasion from that hostile country,” the president declared, referring to our northern neighbor that was once our closest ally, and adding that the U.S. must arm Isle Royale.
Trump also pointed out that Isle Royale is actually part of Michigan, “which makes no sense at all.” He said Michiganders don’t appreciate Isle Royale as much as they should with “that goofy gander governor Gretchen.” He was referring to Gov. Gretchen Wittmer, a Democrat.
My dream went on with Trump declaring that, “We’ve got to change the name of Isle Royale. What’s with this Royale business? We’re not a kingdom with royalty running the country, although we probably should with me as king.” He did not suggest a new name although aides indicated he might favor Redland.
In my dream — even as CNN continued with real news in the background — Trump asserted that “we should build a bridge connecting the island to Minnesota. Now people have to get there by boat. We need to build a bridge so people can drive over there and see the wolves and moose in action,” he went on. “They have ducks and geese too, don’t they?
“At the end of the bridge, which would only cost several hundred million dollars, we should build an arch to greet visitors,” the president continued. He suggested it be shaped like a huge tree but taller — around 200 feet high. “It would have a wide opening at the bottom visitors could drive their cars through like those redwoods in California.”
He suggested it should be called the Arc de Treetop. “Or maybe Trumptop.”
Asked if the huge bridge and monument might diminish the wilderness nature of the island, Trump retorted with a question: “Where’s the money in wilderness?”
He suggested that a huge hotel be built on the island to accommodate visitors who “don’t want to sleep on the ground in tents. Who does that anyway? A bunch of democrat environmental cases,” he remarked, answering his own question.
As I slept on, more news unfolded on the TV that I somehow absorbed even though I was slumbering but started to regain wakefulness. They were reporting something about the new Air Force One and in my dream, I was on the plane with members of the news media who always travel with the president.
A reporter asked him about acquiring Greenland and he said that, yes, the United States had to have Greenland to protect the country from China and Russia, but that we also must arm Isle Royale to protect the nation from Canada.
“We’ll build an airport up there well stocked with fighter aircraft,” he asserted.
“What about the moose and wolves?” asked a reporter.
“I don’t know about moose, but I’m very familiar with wolves,” he said. “Ever hear of Jeffrey Epstein?”
Then suddenly I was awakened by the sound of thunder outside the house, with tornado-like wind, rain pouring down flooding a nearby creek and tennis ball size hail bouncing off the roof. What a relief.
Jim Heffernan is a former Duluth News Tribune news and opinion writer and continues as a columnist. He can be reached at jimheffernan@jimheffernan.org and maintains a blog at www.jimheffernan.org.
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