Tuesday, February 21, 2017

A Trump Carol for President's Day...

By Jim Heffernan

I know the Christmas holidays are over, but I've got to say I miss them -- especially the carols on the radio.

That's the trouble with the other holidays we celebrate -- no carols. None of them have music directly associated with them except "O Say Can You See" on the Fourth of July. But where is the music for Arbor Day, for Labor Day, or for President's Day, for crying out loud? (Many of us ARE crying out loud on President's Day this year.)

In keeping with that thought, I have composed a new President's Day carol to be sung for the next three years, or maybe, with a little bit of luck, fewer years than that. Everybody knows the tune to the "The Little Drummer Boy." Here are some new President's Day words to the festive carol. You can hum along in your head as you read.

Come and vote for me said he, T-rump, rump, rump, rump;
I'll drain the swamp, you'll see, T-rump, rump, rump, rump;
We'll build a border wall, T-rump, rump, rump, rump;
And bring back jobs for all, T-rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump.

All news is fake, you see, T-rump, rump, rump, rump;
Whenever it covers me, T-rump, rump, rump, rump;
I won the popular vote election day, T-rump, rump, rump, rump; 
Just ask Kellyanne Conway, T-rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump.

We'll dump Obama care, T-rump, rump, rump, rump;
This really is my hair, T-rump, rump, rump, rump;
Vlad Putin's quite a guy, T-rump, rump, rump, rump;
And so am I, T-rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump, rump. 

Well now, there's a carol for President's Day at least. Let's see if we can't come up with a few for the other holidays to make spirits bright.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Christmas City of the North parade was canceled once, but not due to adverse weather conditions...

Santa Claus waves to spectators during
a wintery Christmas City of the North Parade
on Friday. Steve Kuchera / Duluth News Tribune
By Jim Heffernan

KBJR-TV, which has sponsored the Christmas City of the North parade for nearly six decades, proudly announced on Friday that it would not cancel the popular procession ushering in the holiday season due to the blizzard swirling around the downtown Duluth parade route.

As the storm intensified Friday afternoon and people began wondering if the parade would go on, the station went to facebook with the announcement: “Weather has never caused us to cancel the Christmas City of the North Parade in 58 years, even in worse conditions than today.”

The parade went on, and quite successfully under the circumstances, just as it has every year in the past…except one time. Yes, it has never been canceled due to the weather, but it was canceled on Nov. 22, 1963, the day President John F. Kennedy was assassinated.

As a fledgling newspaper reporter (I had been working at the Duluth News Tribune for about a month), I was assigned to find out, on what was probably the most intense news day of the 20th Century, if the scheduled Christmas City of the North parade would go on that night.

Call WDSM (KBJR’s predecessor call letters, a TV-radio station owned by the same company that owned the newspaper), I was told in the heat of the busy local coverage of the assassination.

I called. Nobody answering phones there knew what to say, or what to do. Finally I got through to Robert J. Rich, general manager, the top dog at the time. The parade will go on, Rich determinedly told me, in no uncertain terms.

The terms were not so certain about an hour later, however, when WDSM called me. The parade would not go on, they announced, out of respect to the fallen president.

So yes, the Christmas City of the North parade has never been canceled due to the weather. But it was canceled once, due to the murder of a president of the United States. As well it might have been. Had to be.

Check out today's Duluth News Tribune coverage of last night's parade HERE.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

My Life in Baseball...

Joe DiMaggio and Dorothy Arnold
By Jim Heffernan
 October 1939 – I am born. A month later Joe DiMaggio, “The Yankee Clipper,” marries Duluth native Dorothy Arnold, who was Dorothy Olson when she grew up here, but took a stage name when she went to Hollywood, where they met. I know nothing about this at the time because I am one month old.

Baseball season 1941 – Joe DiMaggio has a 56-game hitting streak, but at age 2 I know nothing about it. Also that year, in an event considered by many to be of lesser interest, the United States enters World War II, but I know nothing about that either.

Spring-summer 1949 – I make my debut as an outfielder and at-bat strike out king at a neighborhood playground. Memorable moment: I am in left field with my brother’s old leather glove on the wrong hand (I am left handed, he is not) and wonder, what am I doing here? A neighborhood group of friends plays some form of baseball just about every day in summer. I hate it, but go along.

Around that same time – My father takes me to a few Duluth Dukes Northern League games at Wade Stadium and admonishes me for not watching the action on the field, but rather eyeing hot dog vendors. I am given a Dukes sweatshirt, which I wear, but with no commitment.

Entrance to Wriggly Field, Chicago
June 1951 – On a visit to Chicago to see relatives, I attend my first (and almost only in life) major league baseball game between the Chicago Cubs and Boston Braves (later Milwaukee Braves and after that Atlanta Braves), sitting in the 60-cent bleachers, admiring the vines along the fence at Wrigley Field but not paying much attention to the game. Like the outcome.

The year 1954 – I notice that Joe DiMaggio marries Movie star Marilyn Monroe who sang
Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe
“Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend.” She wasn’t singing about baseball diamonds. They divorce nine months later, possibly when Joe found out.

Rest of 1950s -- I ignore all baseball except in movies like “The Babe Ruth Story” and “Kill the Umpire” both starring character actor William Bendix who looks nothing like Babe Ruth.

Entire 1960s – I begin a journalism career and am required to “help out” the sports desk on busy nights, shocking the sports editor with my lack of knowledge of baseball (and other sports except ping pong).

Late in the 1970s – After work I play “catch” with my young son, who takes to baseball like a duck takes to water (and I take to clichés) and becomes involved in Little League. I am forced to watch entire games because I am chauffer.

Sometime in 1984 – I view the Robert Redford baseball movie “The Natural” and love it. When discussing it with co-workers on the newspaper sports desk I learn that true baseball lovers hate the movie, which explains a lot.

Around that same decade – I accompany my son to a couple of Minnesota Twins games at the old Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome in Minneapolis, one of which goes a monotonous 12 innings. I notice a romantic couple in the stands. He kisses her on the strikes.

Jump to October-November 2016 -- The Chicago Cubs win their first World Series since more than 20 years before I was born, defeating the Cleveland Indians. I do not watch on television. I know nothing about the teams, like why the Indians are demonstrating against pipeline construction in North Dakota. 

Friday, October 21, 2016

Bob Dylan not the only Nobel winner with Duluth connections...

Bob Dylan, 2010 (Wikipedia)
By Jim Heffernan
The Swedish Academy has been having a hard time personally contacting reclusive Duluth native Bob Dylan to tell him he has been awarded the Nobel Prize for literature, according to news reports. At this writing he has not personally acknowledged the great honor.

The story of how that other Nobel literature laureate with Duluth connections, author Sinclair Lewis, was informed of his selection is well documented, and it’s quite amusing.

It was described at the Sinclair Lewis Interpretive Center in Sauk Centre, Minnesota, the author’s birthplace. I visited the now closed center – as well as Lewis’ early family home there – several years ago and reviewed in one of the offerings just how the famous author learned he’d won the literature Nobel in 1930, the first American so honored. 
Sinclair Lewis, 1930

Who knows how Nobel officials will eventually contact Dylan directly, maybe with a simple telephone call. It was a simple telephone call that informed Lewis of the honor, and he had a hard time believing it was legitimate.

As every schoolchild knows, the Nobel prizes are selected by a committee in Sweden and awarded in Stockholm. (Exception: the Peace Prize is awarded in Oslo, Norway.)

When Lewis was selected, the Swedish Nobel authorities notified that Scandinavian nation’s consulate in Chicago and instructed personnel there to contact Lewis and inform him of the honor, according to the material at the Lewis center.

The Chicago-based Swedish diplomat who contacted Lewis by telephone had a strong Swedish accent when he spoke English. When Lewis was told by the caller that he’d won the Nobel Prize in literature he simply didn’t believe it. He thought it was one of his friends putting on a Swedish accent to pull his leg.

Lewis’ response was the same as that of any one of us who might receive a crank call, calling out the caller to admit it was a hoax.

I have conjured up how the conversation might have gone, with the familiar Swedish accent of the caller, and Lewis’ reaction:

SWEDISH CALLER – Mr. LOOis, this is the Svedish consul calling from Chicago to inform you the good neuse that you have yust vun the Nobel Prize in literature.

LEWIS – Is that so. Well thank you very much, friend. Now who is this? Elmer? Martin? George? Who’re you trying to kid? I can see right through that fake Swedish accent.

CALLER – No, sir, this really is the Svedish consulate calling to tell you you have vun the Nobel Prize. I yust hope you believe me when I say this.

LEWIS (ridiculing the caller) – Ya sure, you betcha. C’mon, who is this?

And so on and so forth.

It took Lewis awhile to settle down and realize it wasn’t a crank call.

It really is an unlikely coincidence having two Nobel Prize winners in the same field with strong connections to Duluth. But for the record, neither Dylan nor Lewis lived here for very long. Born in Duluth in May 1941, Robert Allen Zimmerman (Dylan’s original name) resided here with his family until 1947 when he was six years old, moving to Hibbing that year.

Lewis bought his mansion at 26th Avenue East and Second Street in 1944 but only stuck around the Zenith City until 1946, presumably within a few months of when the Zimmerman family moved to Hibbing.

Duluth has honored Dylan with special commemorative manhole covers. It does nothing to honor Lewis for his association with the city. Most people around here have forgotten it, or never knew.  

NY Times story (10-13-2016) about Dylan's Nobel award: read HERE.

Duluth Budgeteer News column (1-13-2013) describing Sinclair Lewis book written in Duluth Mansion: read HERE

John G Williams House, located at 2601 E. 2nd St., Duluth MN where Sinclair Lewis lived
read  HERE

Zenith City Online post about Sinclair Lewis in Duluth: read HERE

NobelPrize.org post about Sinclair Lewis & Nobel Prize Award for Literature in 1930: read HERE.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Trump's hair to boost American Agriculture on Rushmore...

Trump on Mt. Rushmore photo source: change.org
By Jim Heffernan

Someday adding Trump to Rushmore could help boost American agriculture...
 The other day I found myself doing some deep thinking – very deep thinking – about what the future might hold if Donald J. Trump is elected president of the United States.

I’m not talking about what would happen to the country if Trump should become president. We should save those ruminations for registered, bona-fide pundits, so many of whom appear nightly on cable television to predict the future according to their political persuasion.

No, I’m speculating on what might transpire should a Trump presidency be deemed successful, even great, by the noisy majority that would have elected him (without any help from me) and it is decided that the Trump visage should be added to those of the four presidents already sculpted on Mount Rushmore.

The idea of putting a fifth revered president on Mount Rushmore comes up every so often when over-zealous supporters of one ex-president or another deem it appropriate to propose adding the face of their man (it’s always been men, unfortunately) to those of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt, pince-nez and all. So far we’ve avoided that embarrassment.

Remember now, I am not suggesting that Trump should ever be considered for Mount Rushmore, or that he should ever be considered for the office of president. I am merely speculating on some dreaded future time when, should he happen to be elected, after he is dead and gone his supporters could push through a measure to add him to the revered national monument.

Such were the deep thoughts running through my head as I contemplated these matters and, in a Eureka Vacuum Cleaner moment, I came to realize that, should it ever happen, the addition of Trump to Rushmore might be a good idea, as abhorrent as it seems today.

Think green.

If they sculpted his face on the mountain, to accurately portray him they could plant wheat grass on the top of his head to represent his hairdo. Wheat grass grows quite tall and is close to the hue (you wouldn’t say “color”) of Trump’s carefully sculpted mane. 

What a terrific symbol of America. Amber waves of grain beneath the beautiful spacious skies atop the purple majesty of a South Dakota mountain right on America’s third-most revered work of sculpture.

So, to bring all this together, Trump on Rushmore isn’t such a dreaded idea after all, should it come about. With wheat grass crowning his brow, it would be a tribute to American agriculture, and the face below it an enduring symbol of American folly.