I had a crazy dream the other night. Come to think of it, they’re all crazy. I usually forget my dreams shortly after I wake up, but I remembered this one because…well, because…oh, you’ll see.
The dream was set in Duluth’s near future, around 2029 I’d guess. In it I was driving my car around Duluth, no particular destination involved. It used to be called “a ride.” I was out for a plain old ride.
But being in the future, it revealed a different Duluth. Many Duluth scenes had somehow changed. Like Canal Park and the Aerial Lift Bridge. A sign said Canal Park had been renamed Trump Lakeside Park and the lift bridge was now the Donald J. Trump Aerial Lift Bridge.
Hmmm.
Continuing my drive, I made my way along Duluth’s main drag, Superior Street, but noticed all the signs designating the street said it was now called Donald J. Trump Superior Way. Boy, that was a surprise. It’s been called Superior Street for 150X years.
Driving along the newly named street (or “Way”) I noticed what had always been called the NorShor Theater looked different. I’ll say. The marquee now proclaimed it was the — need I write it out? — The Donald J, Trump NorShor Theater. Nearby was the brightly lit Don du Luth Casino.
I began seeing a Trump trend in this dream-world look at the future.
Proceeding along Donald J. Trump Superior Way, I glanced at the complex we call the DECC — Duluth Entertainment Convention Center. No longer. It was now called the DTECC — the Donald Trump Entertainment Convention Center. The complex included the Trump Symphony Hall and the DJTAA — you guessed it: the Donald J. Trump Amsoil Arena.
Stirring in my sleep, I began to sense a pattern here.
Continuing my dreamy drive, I curved with the road around the Point of Rocks (surprisingly they were still called that) and found myself entering what was once known as the West End, but became Lincoln Park a few years ago. No more. It was now called Trump Park, switching American presidents. Lincoln is so old hat, my dream indicated.
A little farther along, there was the entertainment/restaurant/sports complex known as Clyde Iron. Not any more. It will come as no surprise to readers of this that in my dream it was called “Trump Iron.” Who cares? Might as well name it after a president instead of this Clyde guy, whose full name was Clyde Kadiddlehopper, brother of Clem, right? It’s already got a Giuliani Hall, just add Trump buddy Rudy’s name. Dreams take strange turns.
Continuing on my westward drive I encountered the ski resort once known as Sprit Mountain. Its sign now proclaimed it was the Spirit of Donald Trump Mountain. “That has a ring to it,” my dream observed. It’s located on far western Grand Trump Avenue.
Glancing around in my dream, I could see atop the Duluth hill the imposing structure once and forever known as Enger Tower. No longer. The tower was now called Trump Tower at Donald J. Trump Park. Picknickers welcome.
I was beginning to feel restless as morning drew near but kept right on dreaming (no snoring, though). My journey was inexplicably jumping around. Suddenly I was way out in Don du Lac and the next thing I knew I was driving along U.S. Highway 53 (Miller Trunk), now known as the Miller Trump.
Then suddenly I was headed up another rural road, Rice Lake, passing the city’s landfill, now called the Trump Dump, which has a ring to it, don’t-cha-think?
Before I awakened, my dream suddenly changed seasons and I was again driving along Donald J. Trump Superior Way, Christmas decorations adorning the empty skywalks and nearby Bayfront Festival Park with the tallest Christmas tree in the history of the planet. In my dream I recognized it as Bentlyville, but it was no longer called that. It was now called Donnyville, in homage to Donald J. Trump our last president (remember this dream takes place in 2029 right after he’d have left office).
Finally I jolted awake around don…er…dawn, unsure if I had had a dream or a nightmare.
We’ll see.
Jim Heffernan is a former Duluth News Tribune news and opinion writer and continues as a columnist. He can be reached at jimheffernan@jimheffernan.org and maintains a blog at www.jimheffernan.org.
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