By Jim Heffernan
Like when you get up in the morning, stumble into the bathroom, your mouth dry as dead cactus, load your toothbrush down with Crest or Colgate, run cold water over it and – oops – the wad of paste falls off the brush and goes down the drain.
Your eyes are barely open and the first mishap of the day has already occurred. What did you do to deserve this? Where is the justice?
You re-load the toothbrush and go about completing your other morning bathroom duties, start to get dressed by putting on socks, and your big toe pokes out of a hole in one sock. Where did that come from? And where, I ask, is the justice, not to mention replacement socks?
Hmmmm. On with the day anyway. You wolf down some breakfast and head out for work and what do you find on the windshield of your car? Frost, that’s what. Jack Frost has visited overnight, once again thwarting your progress on conquering the day, and life itself for that matter. Your neighbor’s car has no frost; he kept it in the garage. Where is the justice?
You go to work, try to hang your coat up and find that your earlier-arriving eager-beaver co-workers have filled up all the spots on the coat rack. What are you supposed to do, throw your coat on the floor? How are you supposed to continue your work day if you can’t even find a place for your coat? How unfair is it that others have filled the rack leaving no space for you? Where is the justice?
You get home that night after work and the minute you come in the door your wife tells you to take out the garbage. You’re tired, hungry, had a rough day starting with that toothpaste incident, and you’re supposed to take out the garbage the minute you seek the solace of home and hearth? Where is the justice?
You decide to have a glass of wine with dinner, and, opening a fresh bottle, you put the corkscrew in at a bad angle and it pushes the cork down instead of pulling it up, cork crumbs floating on the wine like flotsam on troubled waters. Oh, boy. All you wanted was a relaxing drink, and now this? Where’s the justice?
You turn on the TV news and learn about wars, floods, bombings, street crime, recession, depression, Congress, murder, mayhem, starvation, revolution, and you mutter to your dog, “They think they’ve got troubles. You should see what happened this morning when I tried to brush my teeth. Where’s the justice?”
The dog looks concerned, as well she might.
Jim, this made me chuckle at what I think are the "major hassles" of my life. Thanks.
Thanks, Craig...It all -- the thought behind the essay -- did start with the toothpaste being swept down the drain. Are there worse ways to start the day? -- Jim
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